Forte

A friend recently said, “you don’t look like you have a soft side”. 

I was.. quite taken aback. I mean, does he not see the constant, irritating outpour of grief and angst on this space that risks me acquiring an ‘emo girl’ label? 

Admittedly, I pokerface with the best of them, but truth be told, I wish I didn’t have to. 

 

State of suspension

I always wondered what it’s like to have absolute faith in something or someone. What it feels like to not constantly be on guard, or questioning and doubting everything because “they” say its better to be safe than sorry?

Despite how cynicism has become ingrained in me, everything -all the darkness and grittiness- just seems to fall away momentarily in the few hours (sometimes minutes) i’m with you. As usual, given my flair for the dramatic, I might be over romanticizing things but never mind, i’ll enjoy this while I can.

I might have my sunny days, but unfortunately, that is only a reminder that the clouds are lurking around the corner.

Rain

You know that saying, “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”?

Funny thing, and this isn’t just about love, but to associate your lost ‘thing’ with this quote shows how much it meant to you. How big a part it played in your life. How much you grieve that it is no longer around.

It’s not better, because you will always use it as a benchmark, and until the day you truly let go, nothing will ever be able to compare. That being said, I wonder why we hang on to something that we know will eventually leave. 

 

lazy afternoons

I thought I’d stay, but maybe it’s
better if I didn’t and just walked away.

You really can’t blame me for the uncertainty, can you?

Acceptance..

.. of what you cannot change, no matter how badly you want to, is the first step to being free. 

I’m possibly sleep deprived, and the fumes from paint i’m blearily slapping onto my walls is definitely getting to my head.

I don’t think I can do this.